Slow Dating: Why People Are Now Taking Their Time Before Committing

In a world where relationships are beginning and ending at a pace faster than bullet trains, fighter jets, India’s growing population and pretty much anything else you’d associate speed with, it takes a certain kind of bravado to, well, take it slow. It’s not the most advised mantra on social media, not the most revered way of going about love and longing in books and movies, and yet, people looking to fall in love are making a conscious attempt to take their time.

Slow Dating while being one of the most interesting dating trends of our times is definitely more than that. Trends often inhabit a certain in-and-out ethos – you know it’s not going to last for long before something else takes over. The irony isn’t lost here. Young people (or people of every age, actually) aren’t in any hurry when it comes to getting into a relationship – they'd rather weigh their pros and cons, build an honest connection and let it organically develop into something substantial. Dating at a pace that isn’t as fast as our modern-day lifestyles, really. Slow. Intentional. Without any pressure. Cognisant of past experiences, even.

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It’s rather wonderful, should you think about it.

What is Slow Dating?

Slow dating is described as a conscious effort to not be in a rush to meet in-person after ‘meeting’ on a dating app. Essentially, you ‘match’ with them, text on the app, even do video calls, but take your time before getting off the app and planning a date to actually meet that person.

You might have known or heard about it, or even experienced it. Slow or simmer dating isn’t uncommon. Many have been doing it without realising there’s a term for it. And going by the statistics around it, it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. As per a Bumble survey, over 53% of their users admitted to preferring slow dating over meeting someone soon enough. Another survey, by dating app QuackQuack, over 50% Gen Z men and women are choosing to opt for slow dating.

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Don’t confuse slow dating with any kind of commitment phobia or not taking dating seriously. Those who are choosing to take it slow aren’t whiling time or being unserious – they're just choosing to protect their peace and aren’t looking to invest their time and energy into someone who isn’t worth it. It’s mindful dating, and a much healthier way to go about it.

How to go about Slow Dating?

To be fair, it’s not rocket science. All you need to do is fight off the urge to exchange numbers right away and take the conversation offline. Any ideas that you may be getting of planning a romantic dinner should also be put aside till it’s time.

A few things you could do to practise slow dating:

Choose your matches carefully

Take your time going through their profile. Only swipe right if you find them interesting. It can’t just be about their looks. If you’d seriously like to date someone, you’ll need to learn to go beyond the obvious.

Carefully go through the conversation

Be it flirty, friendly or flamboyant, you must play close attention to what they’re saying. Red flags aren’t always obvious. Nor are problematic patterns you’re looking to avoid. Before you decide to give that person a shot at a date, it’s important to assess their intentions and how they’re coming across through their messages.

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Do a few video calls

Almost all dating apps now allow matches to chat on video. It’s a great way to ‘see’ a person before you actually see them in person. Besides, since some people aren’t as quick-witted on text, video calls might be a better way to assess your matches.

Set boundaries and inform your matches

If you’re interested in slow dating, say it upfront to those you match with. Ensure there’s no ambiguity or miscommunication. Should your matches not take it seriously, ask them to exercise restraint and respect your boundaries.

Unmatch, if needed

Not every match has to lead to a meeting. Not every conversation has to lead to a date. One of the biggest benefits of slow dating is getting to know someone and deciding if they’re worth your while without having to go on an actual date with them.

Advantages of Slow Dating 

Firstly, it helps you from getting ghosted. Since you’ve taken your time, you’ve hopefully come across a genuine person or someone who actually wants to meet you before agreeing on a date. Anybody flaky would’ve been unmatched or kept aside, by now.

Secondly, you’re sure about what you like and dislike about this person, since you’ve spent some time chatting with them on the app. This will allow for better, deeper conversations and you’ll have a clearer picture of things as they stand between the two of you.

And lastly, not rushing to meet on a date is old-school romance in its newest, more updated avatar. Patience and persistence should hopefully lead to your preferred payback!