The Modern Man’s Guide To First Date Etiquette

On some days, when I don’t feel entirely like a Martian navigating the strange terrain of modern dating, I allow myself a little optimism. There’s something undeniably hopeful about meeting a complete stranger who could, in time, become your favourite person in the world.

We are, after all, suckers for a bit of foreshadowing. A good first date can feel like a preview of something bigger, a fleeting, almost cinematic glimpse of what your life could look like. A kind of award-winning trailer, condensed into a few hours, if you’re lucky.

First Date Etiquette Guide

But as with most things worth getting right, first dates come with their own unspoken rules. If you’re a man hoping to make a lasting impression, it’s not just about showing up: it’s about how you show up. And there are more than a few things to keep in mind when you land up on the planet of the babes.

Be on time. A minute early perhaps

To start strong, please come on time. And if you cannot, please inform beforehand. So she feels less stood up and more anticipatory.

Come well turned out

She didn’t sign up to see your bedroom look in person. She signed up to meet a well-intentioned guy who turns up and turns her life upside down, gleefully.

Be ready for conversations

You don’t need to google conversation starters but put in the effort to hold meaningful to playful conversations to keep her engaged. A man is x100 hotter if he can talk and talk well.

Don’t bring up an ex or probable next

This happened to me on a date so I die on this hill. Kindly refrain from mentioning lores about your ex or your ‘type’. If she needed to know your ex, she would be meeting them, not you. Respect her time and respect her.

Don’t boast off about your sexual appetite

This is such a turn off. If talking about your sexual kinks makes you feel like a real guy, then you need to meet other ‘real’ guys and talk about it all night. No woman will be validating you on that like your bros would. Don’t waste her time or spoil her good mood.

Don’t be stingy with your money

You know just how much effort she put in herself before she even turned up for the date. The bill of that is heavy, so kindly, don’t be stingy. She is here for an experience of a generous man so please show her that.

Be a good listener

This is a no brainer, kindly, listen. Often times, people are so fixated in telling their side of the story, they barely listen or retain anything from the conversation.

Go beyond the looks and superficial

It is human nature to be a lover of the visual. But people with depth always move past it to explore more engaging attributes to find a connection with a person. Focussing only on looks does make you superficial and women are great at sensing such intentions, real fast.

Don’t use words like  ‘dude’, ‘bro' and 'yaar'. Unless you plan to crash the said date

I once dated a guy who spent 90% of his time with his guy friends and slowly, all the girls were, dude, bro and on some occasions, yaar. No quicker way to put a feminine into her masculine. Please don’t be that ‘dude’.

Please practice highest levels of hygiene

You think you are the observant kinds but my girl has scanned you already, head to toe. Clean cut nails, hands that aren’t flaky or elbows that don’t look like they work harder than you, is a good beginning point. Walk the standards that you set for the opposite sex, goes a long way.

Don’t look distracted

Maybe you are seated near the door or have your phone constantly buzzing. You might see it as nothing but for someone trying to have a conversation with you, these can be off putting. No, you might not be doing it on purpose, but keep your neck in the game and phone, far away.

Offer her a ride home

Now this can be a tricky terrain but there’s a very thin line between a gentleman and a creep, sadly. Do ask her if she reached comfortably, how she plans to go back, does she feel safe, does she need him in any way, instead of saying point blank, ask and consult and come from a place of trying. Trust is a very hard thing to gain and by being a responsible safe space on the very first date and obviously following through on this, you can solidify your chances at something wonderful.

Leave your EGO at home and be ready for disappointment

Sometimes, the date turns sour, sometimes, it is not what you expect. And right there, is your chance to be an exemplary guy. Do your best on the date and have an honest chat. If you’re interested but she lacks intention or is upfront about not liking it, thank her for a wonderful evening, be a good person and let it go. Just breathe, be and let her choose her exit.

Be authentic

In today’s times, authenticity is the real currency. And authenticity looks very different from being obnoxious and calling it your authentic self. How did we say it in the last decade? Be real. A girl will be scanning you hard for possible loopholes for her advantage, she needs to feel safe, right? When you come across as a real guy, and not a performative, premediated, practiced ‘first date guy’, she will be way more comfortable and her mind will be at ease.