How To Deal With Over-Enthusiastic Relatives This Wedding Season

Ah, the big fat Indian wedding.

A week-long marathon of cousins you can’t wait to meet, food you’ll remember for years, and sleep you can only dream of. It should be a break from the daily grind. Until the salary-obsessed uncles, matchmaking aunties, and resident political pundits appear like they’ve been training for this exact ambush. Before you know it, you're dodging unsolicited advice like it’s being flung at you along with the flower petals.

Let’s be honest. Half the dread in family functions isn’t the events themselves, it’s the interrogation panel disguised as relatives. One minute you're enjoying a plate of biryani, the next you're defending your career choices, relationship status, bank balance, and views on geopolitics. And every time you think you’ve escaped, another “beta, ek baat puchu?” springs out of the shadows.

So, how do you protect your sanity without fleeing the venue? Here are a few smart ways to dodge, diffuse, or outright end those painfully awkward moments. Let’s make this wedding survivable.

Deflect, Deflect, Deflect

First things first, do not let the questioning get a hold of you. Sure, asking about your job or when you plan to marry is a pointed question, but for a distant relative who hasn't seen you since you were eleven, asking what you do is not really that much of a loaded question. Especially if that job happens to be a creative job that he doesn't know much about (trust me, this writer has been there).

Which is why the best way to deal with (well-meaning) questions like these is to master the art of deflection. Ask them about their kids, their job, how their business is doing, and about that surgery they had a few months ago. People love to talk about themselves, so chances are, you'll hit the topic that has been on their mind lately, and they will go on a tirade about it. Problem solved.

Say Hello To Grey Rocking

While you can deflect the more light-hearted questions, some people tend to pester you with their more invasive enquiries. This is where grey rocking comes in.

The basic idea here is to be so stubborn and boring (like a literal rock in a corner of a road) that no one can elicit any reaction or information out of you. A neighbour asked about your business? “Oh, it's going fairly well. How is XYZ?” Still coming back to the topic? “Yes, everything is fine”. It sounds awkward on paper, but with this, you are sure to reach a point where the person will get tired of nosing around and will give up eventually.

This works particularly well when people start discussing politics. When someone voices an outrageous opinion, just say “Interesting take” and move on. Just ensure that you are not being too brisk with people who know you well; that would lead to a whole set of questions about your lack of response.

Call In Reinforcements

If you know beforehand that there will be someone who might make the evening uncomfortable for you,  recruit similarly minded close friends or relatives to barge in and pull you out if things start to get heated. Make sure to keep alcohol consumption in check, since substances make it much harder to keep a level head.

Humour Always Helps

A timely dose of wit is the best tool you can use in any situation, not just weddings. The next time someone asks when you are planning to “settle down”, simply play along. “Yes Aunty, just let me retire first!” “On the 31st next February? You're invited!”

Don't, and I repeat don't, try to sound passive-aggressive or one-up the other person. Some questions like the marriage one are asked in jest (I know they sound anything but), so you cracking the at-your-funeral joke would only leave a bad taste in the mouth of someone who genuinely had no intention of upsetting you. If you are absolutely done with the queries, just curtly say that you are not comfortable discussing such a question and are focusing on enjoying the marriage right now.

The “I’m Helping” Excuse

The best way to not get approached for peaky conversations is to be too busy to talk to people in the first place. Offer to help with something. Anything works. Whether it’s serving food, running errands, or pretending to handle on-ground wedding logistics, being actively engaged in a task gives you a legitimate reason not to engage in conversation.

An additional advantage here is that even when you are not working, you can always excuse yourself with some work when a conversation starts to enter uncomfortable territory. Plus, it gets you brownie points for being the guest who helps out at an already chaotic event. That's two birds killed with one stone.