Are Indian Men Now Faking Orgasms?
When did it become a thing? And why are men doing it?
It was an unusually balmy day. Isn’t October supposed to mark the onset of winter? Autumn, at least. But it was hot. He was sweating. Sitting in front of me, barely sipping his drink. Old-Fashioned. That’s his standard order. Gets him in the mood, he says. He wasn’t in that mood though. Wouldn’t initiate the conversation. I asked more out of curiosity than concern, to be honest.
“She found out, last night. It’s been hell at home since!”
The she is his wife. Never before had I heard of any scenario in their marriage where one of them ‘found out’ something. What did she find out? “That I faked it!” he almost screamed.
Do men fake orgasms? Can they?
Ah, you truly learn something new every day.
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The mood was jubilant, the vibe more so. Fashion weeks in India may not have much to write home about in terms of clothes but the after parties still pack a punch. You won’t find me there often enough, but when I do manage the trek, I make it a point to stay close to the action.
He was standing in a corner, not bothered by the drunken revelry. A model made a pass; a designer caressed his sleeve. He wasn’t bothered. Sahir always has the look of something on his mind. Someone, more like it. That night it was me. To talk. Just that. What else were you thinking? I’m not one to mix business with pleasure – it's the easiest way to ruin both things.
“It’s not common but also not uncommon, do you know what I mean?” He seemed oddly sure, though I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol doing the talking. “You forgot I’m sober, didn’t you?” Oops... it was clearly sober Sahir doing the talking. But how could he be this clear?
“I have faked it. Quite a few times. Each time for a different reason,” he shrugged. “Sometimes, you do it because you’re tired, the other times because you’re about to go soft and you don’t want her to know it!” I knew there was a third reason. “Most often, it’s because you’re not enjoying it & want to get it over with!”
Wouldn’t it be easier to just climax and end it as opposed to fake it instead? “Not all men want an empty orgasm,” he said with a smile. Mic-drop, or whatever else you’re supposed to say in such a moment.
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“Your friend isn’t wrong, you know?” Seema remarked. As a happily-married, mother of one, she’s not one to know much about the proclivities of men, I wondered. “My husband has faked it a couple of times – he was so good at it, I didn’t even know he had done so!” Some Indian women can be proud of their husbands for literally anything!
“He was dog tired post work and just couldn’t keep up. I was quite upset at first, but I appreciated his honesty,” she added.
When did men faking orgasms become a thing?
Apparently, it’s a fairly recent development. The internet is a daily reminder how some of us aren’t living actualised lives, sex isn’t supposed to be just a bodily thing, and some men have taken to the memo better than the rest of humanity. They’re chasing emotional connections, choosing lovemaking over carnal pleasure, and opting to step out of scenarios that aren’t giving them what they’re seeking. If sex isn’t good enough, they’d rather finish it than finish off.
Or, as Seema put it, some men are starting to have sex like a woman.
I’m not sure I’m fully convinced though.
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A few days before writing this piece, I met him again.
He had managed to convince his wife that it was just that one time. “I love her and obviously find her attractive. I was just exhausted that night. I’m not going to do it every time!” It was back to marital bliss, making love and not faking anything. A one-time thing wasn’t going to come in their way.
A one-time thing? How hard it would’ve been to not do it then!