I mentally chastised myself for not carrying my trusted writing pad with me, especially since the conversation warranted enough and more notes. I’m old school like that – it's never as much fun to ‘write’ things on the Notes app. As soon as the flight landed, I hurried to buy one, just to scribble the myriad thoughts in my head, before they’d vanish into oblivion. I’d met Rohan in Abu Dhabi. A fellow journalist, he was in town for a business conference that happened to be happening in the hotel that I was staying in. We bumped into each other during breakfast on our final day of stay, but why am I going on and on about that? What’s more pertinent is the chat I had with him on our flight, something that’s been lingering in my mind for long enough to have written this piece that you’re reading.
For someone who’s been in an open relationship for over 2 years now, Rohan is probably the most monogamous person you’d come across. He hasn’t met or hooked up with anyone aside from his girlfriend in over a year. Why, you’re wondering? “I don’t care for such things – she's the only one I love and desire!” The ‘she’ being Malvika, his girlfriend of over 5 years who suggested going open on a holiday in Bali a couple of years ago. Is she meeting other men, I asked. “Yes, once or twice a month. She tells me. I don’t want to know other details though”. Doesn’t he feel, umm, left out? “I have the option, sure, and that’s good to know, but I don’t want anymore”. I was curious if he ever felt insecure though. Or competitive in a certain department. “If she were getting better options, she wouldn’t come back to me, would she?” Sure, but then, home food might provide comfort but for every evening worth celebrating, we do venture out, don’t we? I, however, kept these thoughts to myself.
They say, when an animal is held in captivity for far too long, he loses any interest in wanting to be free. Or some such thing. Maybe it’s true for heterosexual men as well? I figured Rohan didn’t need to be prodded further for he’d made peace with it too.
Sarika had always been a massive propagator of monogamy, until, of course, she turned 30, figured that it’s not all that it’s made out to be, and decided to walk over to the other side. When I met her for a coffee to talk about it, she’d apparently been in an open relationship with Vikrant for 6 months already. “It’s nice!” That’s not how I’d heard anyone describe a non-monogamous scenario, ever. “Our pact is a twice a month kind and we make sure to keep the other person suitably informed”. If it were sounding like a business deal, I didn’t say so. Is an open relationship more of a business deal or do we do business keeping it quite open? The real question, however, was something else. “I don’t do it, though. I chicken out. Maybe it’s more fun to have someone flirt with you without going all the way?” Or maybe she’s not capable of actually going for the kill? “Vikrant doesn’t have the same issue. And no, I don’t mind. I don’t think I do...” She’d started to think about it, and I didn’t want to disrupt the moment.
At the time of writing this, I’ve spoken to two other people, both being in their so-called open relationships for over 7-8 months. And in both cases, things weren’t as open as they’d appeared on the surface. I’ve written about it earlier – you somehow know of more people in an open dynamic than the actual number of people who’re truly doing so.
Is it a fad? Or some sort of social currency everyone’s trying to adopt? Like Pilates. Or Matcha. Maybe even Hyrox. You ain’t cool if you’re still old-school, or something. I’m sure there are people who are truly in an open relationship – there's no smoke without fire.
But how open are the open relationships around you? I’m still knocking on some doors, waiting for them to open!