Open Relationships: How Do They Work?

It’s always a friend who knows a friend who has another friend. Do you actually no someone who is in an open relationship? Or maybe, you’re in one yourself? Who is to say that open relationships aren’t an urban myth or a figment of an overactive imagination instead? Quite like, say, golden showers. Or foot fetish.

You hear about it, sure, but never come across one in the wild. Or do you?

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At a famous author’s recent soiree at one of Delhi’s newest watering holes, there was much chatter about open relationships, mostly because his new book has nothing much to write home about. There have been rumours about said author’s extramarital dalliances for years now, but the newest chatter seemed to suggest the author had entered an open marriage agreement with his wife.

“She’s a smart women – since he’s been cheating for years, it’s time she gave it back just as much too” was how Namrata put it. If you knew her, you’d know she’s never one to mince her words, or opinions. But then, is ‘revenge’ the only reason for couples opening up their marriage? “Not really but you can’t tell me that both partners equally want such an arrangement, isn’t it?”

I’m not sure I bought into her argument. Probably why I dialled up Nita the next day, to ask her about it. She’d famously dating ‘someone’ a couple of years ago, who was in an open relationship with his wife, though obviously, the identity of this person was never revealed to any of us. That didn’t stop Nita from waxing eloquent about it all, though. “I definitely didn’t mind that he was in an open relationship – it actually made it better because I didn’t have the emotional headspace for anything more anyway!” She’d even met the man’s wife at a party, apparently, and their dynamic was more pleasant than a spring evening. “She told me she had initiated the whole conversation with her husband; why would she have a problem with me!” It wasn’t a question that warranted an answer, and I knew better than to present an answer.

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I can’t seem to go anywhere without ‘encountering’ this open relationship epidemic. At every party or social gathering, someone’s coming out – not from the closet but that confines of a monogamous heterosexual marriage – much to the amusement and bewilderment of those ae around. Sahir and Ayesha went open. The last guy Aditi went out for a date confessed being in an open marriage. Akshay’s idea of a perfect relationship is being in an open one. So on and so forth.

Open relationships are so in, every other kind of companionship is out. Except, you never meet them in person. You only hear about them. Through third-party stories. Chinese whispers. Conjecture. Controversies. Every other ‘C’ word that fits the narrative. Anything but credible words from the horse’s mouth.

Sure, I get it that most open relationships are meant to stay discreet but clearly, someone’s doing the talking, and I’d like it to be the couple, for a change. When I asked a friend (who wished to not be named) about it, he put it best - “It’s nothing you wish to announce; you’d rather keep it to yourself, and share it on a need to know basis”.

The fine art of keeping it open more about staying in the closet, is it?