He saves the last packet of her favourite chips from the vending machine (The Love Hypothesis). He shows up to her singing gig even after they’re no longer together, for no reason other than to support her on her big day (The Deal/Off-Campus). He spots an SRK poster in the background of her childhood photo and, unprompted, takes her to see Mannat (Not Safe For Work). I’m fairly confident none of these gestures would cross Kabir Singh’s mind, or that of most macho Bollywood heroes we’ve been told are romantic because they’re just so “passionate”.
The concept of passion, thank God, is changing. The controlling, borderline abusive, uncommunicative man who swoops in with erratic but grand declarations of love to distract from all the times he let her down is slowly but surely losing his charm. "Lately, the concept of 'book boyfriends' in the contemporary romance space includes 'green flag men' or 'cinnamon roll golden retriever sunshine men' or 'he worships the ground she walks on men.'
Those aren't qualities that most traditionally macho men exhibit—and I'm so happy with this change in the genre!” says Swati Hegde, romance author and writing coach. So, what qualities make the ‘book boyfriend’ feel like he’s been written by a woman, and why is the internet losing its mind over him? Let’s get into it.
It’s true that most book boyfriends in romance novels are upwards of 6 feet tall and are unreasonably gorgeous. But believe you me, those aren’t the traits that make thousands of women around the globe fall head over heels for these fictional characters. “I love a man who notices the little things, actually listens, remembers what you said and shows up when it matters. Emotional intelligence is probably my biggest weakness in a male character,” says bookstagrammer Anjali (@anjalizbooktalkk).
When I’m creating a male lead for my romance books, I write him so he sees the female protagonist in a way no one else does. And no, he’s not meant to be a mind-reader—he just knows how to pay attention. In my recent work Not Safe For Work, for example, Neil Desai recognises Kavya Mehra’s imposter syndrome for what it is and reminds her of the talent she keeps second-guessing. The fantasy isn’t so much that he saves her, rather, it is that he sees her.
And in turn, he allows himself to be seen as well. For Anahita Karthik, the author of Better Catch Up, Krishna Kumar, part of the appeal of a romantic hero lies in his ability to articulate and express all his emotions, even the ones society has historically labelled more ‘feminine’. “I personally adore when a male love interest doesn’t hesitate to show vulnerability on page.” It’s almost as if men who do feel pain are—gasp—attractive.
All of this isn’t to say that the alpha man is dead and buried in romance fiction. In genres like dark romance, readers often want a taste of the intensity associated with a more dominant kind of hero. “While a lot of these tropes remain popular, these alpha men have become ‘tamer.’ They’re more patient, tolerant, calm, communicative, level-headed, and secure in their relationships. They’re protective, but not controlling or possessive,” says Anahita.
Her book boyfriend isn’t your competition. If anything, he’s making your job easier by showing you what she truly wants from a partner. Book blogger and content creator Vidhya Thakkar talks about how romance novels have helped her recognise what she actually values in a relationship.
“We often call these things ‘high standards’, but honestly, they’re just basic emotional needs like being able to talk your heart out and have someone genuinely listen, being silly or childish without being judged, feeling understood, and feeling safe enough to be yourself,” she says.
It’s also important to remember that perfection isn’t the goal. Romance heroes screw up all the time and still manage to woo the girl, because they aren’t afraid to take responsibility for their actions. Plus, a little bit of grovelling goes a long way. Just look at Alex Volkov, who spends months trying to win Ava back in Ana Huang’s hugely popular Twisted Love.
So perhaps it’s not such an outlandish idea for a man to pick up a romance novel every once in a while. If not for the butterflies and the happy ending, you could always do it for research. Swati is convinced it’ll do you some good. “If more people read romance novels, we would see better relationships and happier marriages in real life.”
What do you say, gentlemen? Feeling up to a little bit of light reading?